{"id":11307,"date":"2015-05-01T02:11:47","date_gmt":"2015-05-01T02:11:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/?p=11307"},"modified":"2016-11-01T15:28:37","modified_gmt":"2016-11-01T20:28:37","slug":"given-the-right-conditions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/given-the-right-conditions\/","title":{"rendered":"Given The Right Conditions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cI never teacher my pupils; I only give them the optimum conditions in which to learn.\u201d<\/em> \u2014Einstein<\/p>\n

This simple statement by Einstein also applies to parenting; children are learning all the time, not just at school. Children literally construct themselves from the moment they enter this world. Throughout Montessori\u2019s writings she uses the term \u201cself-construction,\u201d driving home the point that it is the raw material they are exposed to which shapes the adult they will become. Some people, mostly men, don\u2019t finish this process until around age 40, and some into their late 60s, but I will limit this article to children.<\/p>\n

I am sure you have read all 183 pages of our handbook, certainly the part about the planes of development, but if you haven\u2019t, I suggest you do. There you will read how each plane (0-6,6-12) or stage, requires a different approach because of the characteristics the child manifests. If you know what\u2019s happening developmentally, you can provide those optimum conditions Einstein talks about.<\/p>\n

This is an important point because if you are the parent of a toddler, for example, and are frustrated because your toddler won\u2019t share with other children, then you are in for a bumpy ride. Toddlers cannot share. They are ecocentric beings, and they think if they have something in their hand, that object is part of their body; the fact some is trying to take it is tantamount to someone trying to pull off their hand! <\/p>\n

\u201cNo! Mine!\u201d shrieks the toddler, and you, mortified, make excuses for your child\u2019s misbehavior. But this is normal. Solution: Don\u2019t put your toddler in situations where they are required to share. <\/p>\n

If foisted into a large group of friends who all have toddlers, don\u2019t coop them up in a play room. Go outside, to a park. Anywhere but inside, especially if it is in someone\u2019s home who has a toddler; that poor child will be miserable as all the toddlers languishing in their own egocentricity grab everything away from each other including all his toys! <\/p>\n

When your child reaches the age of six, he is no longer as egocentric and more aware of other people\u2019s feelings. The fact he is more cognizant of others doesn\u2019t mean he is polite. Oh, no. The early elementary years are fraught with a give and-take struggle as he refines his social skills. The lower elementary child often says the following things:<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not fair!\u201d \u2022 \u201cMy teacher\u2019s mean.\u201d \u2022 \u201cI\u2019m not going to be your friend.\u201d \u2022 \u201cYou can\u2019t be in the club.\u201d \u2022 And my personal favorite, \u201cI\u2019m not going to invite you to my birthday!\u201d <\/p>\n

Take heart. If your child is saying these things, or children are saying these things to your child, this is normal. That is why we have weekly class meetings in the lower elementary,to air \u201cgrievances\u201d and mediate injustices. Children must have obstacles to overcome at this age and be surrounded with caring adults who understand what they are going through. But who also don\u2019t fight their battles for them.<\/p>\n

Just as the toddler is egocentric, the young elementary age child is socially uncivilized. We often hear stories of birthday parties gone bad because the children don\u2019t act like they do at Raintree! Why? At Raintree the child has freedom, but he also has responsibilities. He is given more freedom, the more responsible he is.Behind the scenes in what appears to be a laizze faire environment is structure, lots of structure.<\/p>\n

So what do you do when planning a birthday party. For toddlers, look up the characteristics and then create the optimum conditions. Solution: Have a family birthday party. In fact, have family birthday parties as long as you can. When your child is older, invite a few close friends and go bowling, or play miniature golf. If you are in a circle of friends who all have big, crazy birthday parties, and you feel you must do the same, get enough adults to assist you. Not adults who will stand around and talk to other adults, but adults who are engaged with the kids.<\/p>\n

But what about behavior in public places? Don\u2019t subject your child to events which are for adults. If you have a very active five-year-old, don\u2019t take him to a lecture at the Dole Institute. Set the stage for success. Going to a restaurant? Set the ground rules ahead of time: We will stay seated and use our best manners. <\/p>\n

What if your child gets out of control at a church service, trip to the grocery store, or in a restaurant? Leave. If your child is preschooler, and they refuse to leave, sweep them up in your arms and whisper, do you want to leave with your feet touching the ground, or the air? And then follow through on what you say. Following through on what you say is one of the most powerful pieces of advice I can offer. Don\u2019t cajole, repeat, plead or beg. Say it once and do it.<\/p>\n

Children need structure. We had a handout years ago with an illustration of a lamb in a pasture with a fence around it. The message was simple: children need boundaries. It makes them feel safe. When they know what the rules are and adults follow through on what they say, life is good. For everyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI never teacher my pupils; I only give them the optimum conditions in which to learn.\u201d \u2014Einstein This simple statement by Einstein also applies to parenting; children are learning all the time, not just at school. Children literally construct themselves from the moment they enter this world. Throughout Montessori\u2019s writings she uses the term \u201cself-construction,\u201d driving home the point that it is the raw material they are exposed to which shapes the adult they will become. Some people, mostly men, don\u2019t finish this process until […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11309,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45],"tags":[44],"class_list":["post-11307","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-raintree","tag-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nGiven The Right Conditions • Raintree Montessori<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/given-the-right-conditions\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Given The Right Conditions\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cI never teacher my pupils; I only give them the optimum conditions in which to learn.\u201d \u2014Einstein This simple statement by Einstein also applies to parenting; children are learning all the time, not just at school. 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