The Wall Street Journal
\nDecember 18, 2015
\nDr. Leonard Sax<\/p>\n
Kyle was absorbed in a videogame on his cellphone, so I asked his mom, \u201cHow long has Kyle had a stomach ache?\u201d Mom said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking it\u2019s been about two days.\u201d Then Kyle replied, \u201cShut up, mom. You don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d And he gave a snorty laugh, without looking up from his videogame. Kyle is 10 years old.<\/span><\/p>\n I have been a physician for 29 years. This sort of language and behavior from a 10-year-old was very rare in the 1980s and 1990s. It would have been unusual a decade ago. It is common today. America\u2019s children are immersed in a culture of disrespect: for parents, teachers, and one another. They learn it from television, even on the Disney Channel, where parents are portrayed as clueless, out-of-touch or absent. They learn it from celebrities or the Internet. They learn it from social media. They teach it to one another. They wear T-shirts emblazoned with slogans like \u201cI\u2019m not shy. I just don\u2019t like you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The challenge of raising children in America today is different from 30 or 50 years ago. Back then popular culture supported the authority of parents, whether it was the \u201cAndy Griffith Show\u201d in the 1960s or \u201cFamily Ties\u201d in the 1980s. Kids are not born knowing how to be respectful. They have to be taught.<\/span><\/p>\n Multiple lines of evidence, including cohort studies such as the National Longitudinal Study of Youth, now demonstrate that disrespectful children are more likely to grow up to be anxious and depressed, three times more likely to be overweight, more likely to be fragile, less healthy and less creative, compared with respectful children.<\/span><\/p>\n But don\u2019t give up hope. Just as I see children like Kyle in my office, I also see children who are courteous, respectful, happy and confident.\u00a0<\/span>Same race, ethnicity and household income. But the parents are different, and they parent differently.<\/span><\/p>\n For the past seven years I\u2019ve been talking with parents and their children, trying to understand why some children are respectful even though most of their peers are not. The difference is in the parents.<\/span><\/p>\n Here\u2019s some of what those parents have taught me: Require respectful behavior at all times. It\u2019s OK to disagree. It\u2019s never OK to be disrespectful. Prioritize the family. The family meal at home is more important than piling on after-school extracurricular activities. Instead of boosting self-esteem, teach humility. Fight the cultural imperative to be \u201cawesome.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Moreover, no screens when you are with your child. Put your cellphone away. No electronic devices at the dinner table. Teach the art of face-to-face conversation. No devices in a public setting, such as the doctor\u2019s office. Govern your children\u2019s use of social media, television and any device with a screen.<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re going to make a change, don\u2019t be subtle. New Year\u2019s Day is as good a time as any to sit down with your children and explain that there are going to be some changes in this household: changes in how we talk, in how we behave, in how we treat one another. It is possible to create a culture of respect in the home while living in the U.S. today. It isn\u2019t easy, but it can be done.<\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Sax is a practicing physician in West Chester, Pa., and the author of \u201cThe Collapse of Parenting,\u201d out this month from Basic Books.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Wall Street Journal December 18, 2015 Dr. Leonard Sax Kyle was absorbed in a videogame on his cellphone, so I asked his mom, \u201cHow long has Kyle had a stomach ache?\u201d Mom said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking it\u2019s been about two days.\u201d Then Kyle replied, \u201cShut up, mom. You don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about.\u201d And he gave a snorty laugh, without looking up from his videogame. Kyle is 10 years old. I have been a physician for 29 years. This sort of language and behavior […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":11990,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[44,58],"class_list":["post-11984","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-soft-skills"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11984","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11984"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11984\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11986,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11984\/revisions\/11986"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11990"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11984"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11984"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11984"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}