{"id":15058,"date":"2025-01-07T19:05:28","date_gmt":"2025-01-08T01:05:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/?p=15058"},"modified":"2025-01-07T19:05:28","modified_gmt":"2025-01-08T01:05:28","slug":"do-what-you-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/do-what-you-say\/","title":{"rendered":"Do What You Say"},"content":{"rendered":"

Another great article by Maren Schmidt!<\/p>\n

\u201cThrow rocks into the pool one more time and we\u2019re leaving the party,\u201d Jonathan\u2019s parents told him. It was a surprise party for his grandparents\u2019 anniversary. When Jonathan threw in the next handful of pebbles, nothing happened.<\/p>\n

Empty threats.<\/h3>\n

It is an easy trap to fall into. We think if we mention the possible consequences of an action, our child will stop, or if not, at least others will see that we \u201ctried\u201d to make Jonathan stop.<\/p>\n

If Jonathan\u2019s parents had been serious, Jonathan would have been out the door before the last ripple hit the pool edge. By leaving they\u2019d be teaching Jonathan to listen to what they say, because what they say means something. Instead they taught Jonathan that what they say and what they do are two different things.<\/p>\n

Follow through is an important parenting skill and we may have to miss a party or two if we believe in follow through.\u00a0Humpf!<\/p>\n

What do we get when we show our children that we mean \u201cit\u201d?<\/h3>\n

We have children that get \u201cit\u201d.<\/h3>\n

The neurons in their brains make the connection that what mom and dad say and do are important, so, brain, listen up!<\/p>\n

When we do what we say, we have to think through and make our words and actions count. We want to under promise and over deliver. Here are a few tips to help.<\/p>\n

Understand the impulse control of a three-year-old.<\/h3>\n

If you ask a three-year-old not to do something, chances are they will do it. This is due to the fact that the impulse control part of the brain, or the prefrontal cortex, is not developed enough to understand how not to do something.<\/p>\n

Take the example: Don\u2019t run. All the child\u2019s brain hears is \u201crun\u201d.\u00a0State behavior\u00a0requests in the positive<\/a>: Come with me. Hold my hand. Sit. Stop. Instead of \u201cTommy, if you throw the ball one more time, I\u2019ll have to take it away\u201d say, \u201cTommy, roll the ball or I\u2019ll have to put it away.\u201d Also, \u201cShow me how to roll the ball\u201d will help get the desired behavior.<\/p>\n

Be short and sweet.<\/h3>\n

Say it once in a positive way. If the ball gets thrown after you\u2019ve said, \u201cTommy, roll the ball or I\u2019ll have to put it away,\u201d don\u2019t say another word. Silence is golden. Actions speak louder than words. Take the ball and put it away. There may be crying, but say, \u201cYou may choose to do something else. Tomorrow I\u2019ll let you play with the ball again. Tomorrow I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll remember to roll the ball in the house. What would you like to do now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Say it in a word.<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s tomorrow already and Tommy gets a chance to play with the ball. Ask him what you would say about the ball. When Tommy answers, simply say, \u201cYes. Roll.\u201d<\/p>\n

Promise only what you\u2019re prepared to do.<\/h3>\n

Ever hear these phrases? \u201cWe\u2019re never going back\u2026\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re grounded for life.\u201d \u201cNo television for a month.\u201d<\/p>\n

Whatever consequences you choose to connect with an action, make sure they are logical and immediate. Take the ball away\u2014Now! It\u2019s logical and immediate, and doable. Neural pathways for cause and effect are developed in our children\u2019s brains by these kinds of important parenting actions.<\/p>\n

Beware of what you say. Your words are powerful. If you say it, mean it. If you mean it, do it.<\/p>\n

You are your child\u2019s prefrontal cortex\u2014your words and actions are forming the foundation for a lifetime of decision-making, planning, cognitive flexibility, impulse control, and situational appropriate behavior.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Another great article by Maren Schmidt! \u201cThrow rocks into the pool one more time and we\u2019re leaving the party,\u201d Jonathan\u2019s parents told him. It was a surprise party for his grandparents\u2019 anniversary. When Jonathan threw in the next handful of pebbles, nothing happened. Empty threats. It is an easy trap to fall into. We think if we mention the possible consequences of an action, our child will stop, or if not, at least others will see that we \u201ctried\u201d to make Jonathan stop. If Jonathan\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":15059,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[70,83,44],"class_list":["post-15058","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","tag-brain-development","tag-freedom","tag-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nDo What You Say • Raintree Montessori<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/raintreemontessori.org\/current\/do-what-you-say\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do What You Say\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Another great article by Maren Schmidt! \u201cThrow rocks into the pool one more time and we\u2019re leaving the party,\u201d Jonathan\u2019s parents told him. It was a surprise party for his grandparents\u2019 anniversary. When Jonathan threw in the next handful of pebbles, nothing happened. Empty threats. It is an easy trap to fall into. We think if we mention the possible consequences of an action, our child will stop, or if not, at least others will see that we \u201ctried\u201d to make Jonathan stop. 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